This Is The Stuff

If you haven’t heard Francesca Battistelli’s song This Is The Stuff, go listen to it ASAP. It’s one of my favs and always puts a smile on my face. This song is my inspiration for today’s post. This is (some of) the stuff that drives me CRAZY.

  • That stuff that I call “sawdust” which is in the bottom of the box of cereal. It is terrible. It makes you think there’s enough for an entire bowl of cereal but not really. Sawdust.
  • Bread heels. So gross. Who eats it?
  • Dryer lint. We can put a man on the moon but we still have to pull out this robotic belly button and scrape out the lint.
  • Chipped nailpolish.
  • Unpainted toes in sandals & open-toed shoes. Paint your piggies. And take some sandpaper to those feet while you’re at it. That looks like something out of Jurassic Park!
  • Rice cakes. WHAT IS THE POINT?! You are annoying. Game over. The end.
  • My lack of athleticism.
  • My husband’s socks. SO HELP ME GOD! I want to throw them in a pile & burn them.
  • Flossing. A hygienist once told me, “Floss the teeth you wanna keep.” A necessary evil!
  • When I have a booger and no one tells me.
  • When I have food in my teeth and no one tells me. Seriously. You call yourself a FRIEND?! This remnant of my meal is so huge it has its own solar system. Thanks for nothing!
  • Pants.
  • Girls who are TOO skinny! (Not hatin’ on you skinny girls, I just think you need to eat a cheeseburger or you may float away.)
  • Skinny girls who call themselves chubby. Just shut up. I will slap you.
  • People who expect the WORLD of you, but offer nothing. Why is it always the people who give the least that expect the MOST?!
  • Complainers. Stuck in life? CHANGE!
  • Worriers. You are not solving your probs by worrying about them. You’re just going to get diarrhea.
  • Guidos at the gym. These guys who are so fake-and-baked that they are ORANGE, wear gross clothes, have their hair slicked back and neon green shoes. Newsflash: no one is impressed with how much you bench.
  • Jillians at the gym. Like the Guidos, they too are orange but scantily clad and grunt loudly to make a production while on the stairmaster. We get it, sis. You’re a workout fiend. Good for you. You are why I avoid the machines and do zumba. Do you own a shirt? I thought sports bras went UNDER clothes. Silly me.

That’s enough rage for one day.

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14 Comments Add yours

  1. Katie says:

    We should have a sock burning party because I want to burn ALL of Dustin’s socks. GROSS!!!! I also find pants to be annoying. That is the first thing I lose when I come home from work!

    1. Jenny Lind says:

      HA! SOCK BURNING PARTY!!!!

      Pants. That’s why people have to call me before they come over. LOL!

  2. Your friend and sister in law says:

    I agree with most of your rant. However, I do love bread heels. I even tell my kids that they’re the “most special” part of the loaf, ’cause there are only 2. Don’t get me wrong, I prefer a sandwich made with fluffy, middle pieces. But there’s just something about cinnamon and sugar with butter on a most special end piece. mmm…so good!

    1. Jenny Lind says:

      I forgot to mention one more thing: bread crumbs in the butter. Kind of unsavory.

  3. I love how you can be funnier than I am, in half the time.

    I’m not bitter.

    1. Jenny Lind says:

      Poppycock! You’re an international spy.

  4. Chrissy Feriend says:

    Hello Miss Jenny!! I just wanted to let you know that I have been reading your blog for about a week now and have enjoyed every minute of it. I actually look forward to your posts! Thanks for always adding a smile to my morning! You are such a special Person!
    Miss you!

    Chrissy

    1. Jenny Lind says:

      You’re so sweet! Thanks for reading. Miss you too!

  5. chris says:

    May I suggest you contact the EPA before you do any sock burning — find out what kind of permits are necessary for that kind of release of hazardous waste in the air.
    Whereas you are annoyed by pants — not nearly as troubling as no pants.
    I’m guessing that as a child your sandwiches always had the crusts cut off.
    I do love reading your blog … makes me feel like we’re not quite so far apart.
    Love you, GG.

    1. Jenny Lind says:

      Bahahaha!!!!!! You’re the best. Love you.

  6. Nikki says:

    *Note to self: Do not be casually sipping on tea when reading Jenny’s posts cuz it doesn’t feel so lovely when caught off guard and it comes out your nose.

    1. Nikki says:

      P.S. You’re hiliarious! 🙂

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