Regarding Popcorn

These photos have nothing to do with today's post. I just like it.

To Whom It May Not Concern:

Popcorn is RUDE.

It is basically styrofoam covered in butter and salt.  (Cover it with caramel though and it changes my feelings on the matter entirely, but I digress.)

At the movies, it costs around, I dunno, $500 or so for a medium popcorn and bevy. When I get it I think, “I just paid to pick kernels of corn out of my (giant) teeth from here to eternity.”  ( Then I think, “Why are kernel and colonel pronounced the same?”) Then, I realize maybe I should have my dentist’s number in my “favorites” on my phone.

It hits me.

The root of evil here is genetically engineered corn. High fructose corn syrup. Popcorn. This is why America is obese. That and our total lack of self-control, but let’s stay focused here. Corn. Corn is the enemy.

I am convinced that the corn farmers are in cahoots with the dental association. As popcorn sales rise, the dental floss sales soar right along with them. I may have inadvertently uncovered a conspiracy when I should in fact be paying attention to the movie that I basically just gave up a kidney to pay for.

The theater I like to frequent started selling popcorn “flavors” to sprinkle over it. Nice try, popcorn, and well played, movie theater.

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5 Comments Add yours

  1. Nikki says:

    I’m pretty sure I still have a kernel stuck in my teeth from the movie I saw on Saturday. And yes, I do brush and floss frequently (although the number of fillings in my genetically predisposed teeth would like to communicate otherwise). It’s just not fair that those little bitty flat pieces can find their way clear up under my gums…that no brush or floss or otherwise tooth picking divice can reach. : / It’s a communist plot. I’m sure of it.

  2. Oh dear, Beast…I’m so sorry to tell you…I am a popcorn addict. Like, I have it several nights a week. And ALWAYS have it during movies (except during Saving Private Ryan, when I purchased the popcorn but then lost my appetite 15 minutes in and set the bucket permanently on the floor.)

    My PR for popcorn consumed is 1 1/2 large tubs. BY MYSELF. I didn’t say I was proud.

    Dan even has a term for it, when I eat too much. He calls it “popcorn belly.” As in, “if you keep eating that, you’re going to get popcorn belly really bad.”

    I like to ignore him.

    1. By the way, popcorn belly refers to the horrible stomach ailments I get when I do this to myself.

      1. Jenny Lind says:

        Sounds like someone needs to reconsider the ‘corn!!!

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