As I sat in church, some movement caught my eye. Someone was picking their nose.
I quickly looked down, but this isn’t the kind of thing you can un-see. I took a deep breath, looked up, exhaled and resumed listening to the sermon.
Other people began noticing. I watched them look on in horror. My shoulders began to bounce.
After a few minutes, it quickly lost its amusement and turned gross. I gagged. Then laughed at myself for gagging. I gag-laughed.
I snorted. My husband encouraged me to pull myself together in the form of a hand squeezing my knee. I am ridiculously ticklish. I let out a squeak. Never has there been a more grotesque display of my lack of self-control.
So don’t pick your nose in church. Actually, just don’t pick your nose.
thefivestages 
First some backstory: My mom and all her sisters are those ladies with infectious, loud, obnoxious laughs that everyone hears and instantly knows who it is. It is literally an explosive burst of laughter.
OK, now the story. I’ll never forget the time as a teenager that the Teen Challenge Men’s Choir came to our church on Sunday Morning. My aunt was there for a visit, so I sat by my Mom & Aunt. It was a very good service. Several men had shared their tear-jerking testimonies of how Jesus had saved them from a life of drugs.
Now it was time for one very particular man to share his testimony. He was about the goofiest looking dude you’d ever see…lazy eye, hair all disheveled, etc. And then he spoke. He spoke like he had been raised in a single-wide in the hill country of Arkansas…about as hillbilly as you’d get. Plus he had a speech impediment. He went on to tell in detail about how hard his life was as a kid. He then said, “My momma done did dwugs…my daddy done did dwugs…my sisters they all did dwugs…but I ain’t never did no dwugs, NEVER!”
And then it started. My mom was trying her hardest to contain herself. It started with the pew shaking. I looked over to see her shoulders heaving and her face turning red. My aunt leans over and whispers, Stop it!” Then my aunt starts to have the same problems. I can tell they’re both trying to contain it as hard as they can. My mom is bouncing and silent laughing so hard there are tears rolling down her face. She buries her head behind the pew and inhales hard (you know how you do when you’re trying not to laugh out loud).
By now both she and my aunt have tears rolling down their faces and they are the color of ripe tomatoes. They get up to leave…everyone watching. As they reach the foyer, I hear the explosion of laughter. I was left there, in the pew with my two sisters…all of us trying to balance not laughing out loud with dying from embarrassment.
To make things worse, after church several people came up and said, “I was really blessed by how deeply that man’s testimony touched your mom. She was bawling really hard.” I had to contain myself and say, “Yeah, she was really touched.”
Fast forward to 2009, you can imagine my horror when my mom came to visit and our Sunday Morning service consisted of the Teen Challenge Men’s Choir…
Oh, Mike. Had no idea we were related. Fantastic story!
Oh I can totally relate to the church giggles. Once you get started it is hard to control!!!
We know church giggles all too well.
Haha, Jenny you are so funny… You know i never notice you giggle in church if you ever do 🙂 but i can relate to the snort part, i giggle then laugh so hard then snort and continue laughing because i find myself funny snorting lol… ^_^ I love reading your blogs
Thanks, Dulce! You’re sweet!
Your welcome, I like your voice by the way… I don’t think you know me in person but last Sunday you sat right behind me.. I hope i didn’t do something that bother you 😛
Haha! Please introduce yourself next time you see me. 🙂 And thank you for your kind words! Means a lot to me.
I will, I was trying to look for you today but I didn’t see you.. I usually go to the 11 am service .. May be next Sunday I’ll introduce myself 🙂 and your welcome. ^^
I came in late today because I came from an audition. Sorry I missed you!
No worries 🙂 May be next time
I’m just catching up on your blog. My husband has been totally guilty of church nose picking!! It’s met by a firm smack on the leg and look of disgust by me.
The absolute WORST that I witnessed once was a couple at church practically giving themselves pedicures…like in the second row! OK, so it was just lotion…but I was like, “SERIOUSLY?!?” It seemed like they might as well have busted out the pumice stones and nail polish.
The wife/girlfriend/daughter (?? she was WAY younger than the guy…but they seemed more “relationship-ish” than parent/child) was all slathering on lotion. REALLY getting in there as Stan was up there speaking. Both feet. Then, she hands the lotion to the guy…who takes off his shoes and goes at it himself.
I was so appalled and completely distracted from the sermon. Like, “you can’t wait until church is over?” Was this some extremely chronic case of dry skin?
…*sigh* the things people do…
Wowzers! Haha! Gross!!!
Lol I am laughing just reading this XD
I was in church and the pastors was talking about “living bread”, “eating everything that comes out of the mouth of the lord” and “eating flesh and drinking blood”.
It was too much for me XD I started getting the giggles