If I Were A Thief…

Last October, my friend and I breezed over to a costume shop with her 4 year old daughter in tow.

We walked in and were greeted very strangely by a dude that worked there. He then proceeded to watch our every move closely, standing nearby.

My friend went to go try on a costume. The attendant made her remove the costume from its package in front of her and kept the package and the costume’s accessories because “teenage girls have been stealing this stuff”.

Once my friend had gotten changed, she sent her daughter to come get me so I could give my opinion. (It’s a girl thang.) As I approached the dressing rooms, I was stopped by the creeper greeter, “You can’t take that bag in there.”  “What bag?!”, I responded. “That one.”, he said, pointing to my purse. “This is my purse. What do you suppose I do with it?”, my voice raised slightly as I became increasingly annoyed. “You need to leave it here on the counter outside the dressing room.” “Are you kidding me? You just told me girls were STEALING stuff here and now you’re asking me to leave my purse UNATTENDED at this counter?”, I said astonished at this stupidity. “She will keep an eye on it.”, he said motioning toward the other employee. “DUDE! I don’t KNOW her. FINE. This is RIDICULOUS. Why are you treating me like a criminal?!”, and I set my purse down on the counter in a huff where I could see it from my friend’s dressing room. Why was I being accosted by this man?!

As my friend gathered the package & accessories for her costume from the attendant, the creeper came and apologized. I think mostly because he was scared – and he SHOULD HAVE been. I was furious. When he walked away, I told my friend, “I am not spending a dime in this place.” The attendant said, “He SAID he was SORRY.”  I said, “Not helping.”

As I stood nearby as my friend checked out, creeper came up to me again and said nervously, “Can I help you find anything?”  “No thank you.”, I said. Then he added, “We have a selection of larger sizes over there.”

And that’s when my head exploded.

“It is great you have a selection of slutty costumes for chubby girls, too. Thanks.”, is what I WANTED to say. What I ACTUALLY said with a deep sigh was “thanks”, and then thought of murdering him with a plastic sword as we left the premises.

So, here’s what it boils down to, folks: if I were a thief, I’d steal COOL stuffs. Like cars. Or diamonds. Or Will.i.am. I wouldn’t steal junk from a freakin’ Spirit Halloween superstore.

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. Dude, I am ROLLING! The old people are giving me the stink eye as I can’t stop laughing! I hear you saying all this stuff and I’m dying!!!

    1. Jenny Lind says:

      It is RARE I lose my cool in a public setting. I can usually hold it, vent at home – then I am ok. I thought of it this morning and DIED laughing.

  2. Steve Glavan says:

    Oh my gosh, I can SO picture the entire scene! Next time, I want to go costume shopping with you. Just HOPING something will happen!

    1. Jenny Lind says:

      ‘Member that time we went to Value Village and you used the entire place as your prop warehouse? That’s where we discovered “kernels” together. *cough* Ahhh! Sweet mems! 🙂

  3. jennimsmith says:

    Will.I.am hahahaha!

    1. Jenny Lind says:

      What! He’s cool! He looks like he’s from the future! He’s so 3008, I’m so 2000 and LATE!

  4. Omg, I wish I was there to see it all. I probably would had burst in laughter to se his scared face.

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