Finding My Place

I’ve been stuck in a rut lately. I’m busy being wife, mom & working at a job that I love. But I’m not singing, acting, doing standup. At all. 

My role in ministry has always changed seasonally depending on life stage, needs in ministry & time. And that’s ok. 

I realized recently the root of my rut stems from my CHILDHOOD. My dad was an executive in corporate America, but he was also an associate pastor. 

I used to watch my parents & sister in church sing & wish I was up there with them. I wanted to belong. It took years for me to work up the courage to sing in front of my own family. 

I hate feeling like an outsider. And I find myself feeling like that same 8 year old cracking jokes on the back row in church eating Doritos & playing with Barbies. 

People mean well, but I don’t want to hear how important the ministry I’m doing at home raising my kids is. Even though – it’s MOST important. Don’t tell me when God closes a door, He opens a window. Don’t tell me to not put a period where God places a comma. Cuz maybe God wants to use a semi-colon. You don’t know! 

Being the effervescent extrovert that I am & a performer by nature, many people think they KNOW me. But few do. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is:

I’ll bend but I won’t break. I’m down but not out. I’ve traded Doritos for carrots. I’ll embrace the rut, invite it in for coffee & learn from it all I can. I just don’t want it to stay too long. It is not welcome. 

Even still, I’m so thankful. It may not sound like it, but I am. 


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