Pinterest & Pornography

Women, it’s time we admit it. Pinterest is our pornography. 

Pinterest gives you a distorted view of reality. Your husband’s old t-shirt suddenly looks like it could be repurposed into a crop top & 2 headbands. Because, you can never have too many headbands! Duh. You immediately begin having thoughts about cutting your own bangs & feeding your family salad in mason jars. 

Speaking of salad, why aren’t you growing your own vegetables? You know, with all that free time you have between work, family, blending your contour makeup then letting your powder “bake” until you look like you were photoshopped by the hands of God himself. 

With all the money you saved not buying shampoo any more (and washing with baking soda & vinegar) you can buy supplies to treat yourself to a blue Listerine pedicure. Go ahead, you’re worth it. Laugh as the dead skin just falls right off. You may never set foot in a nail salon again. 

“More broccoli!”, your children will cry as they gobble up every delectable tree roasted in a balsamic reduction. Your husband will gaze longingly into your eyes which are perfectly framed by your on fleek eyebrows (from the tips of that reality celebrity) & say, “You look & smell amazing.” “It’s nothing…”, you’ll say with a crooked grin as you bask in the glow of your homemade cinnamon bronzer & perfume you made from essential oils.

Porn. All of it. Not real. 

Your winged eyeliner will never be as perfect as Adele’s. Your lucky to even have had a hot shower. Your kids fight every bite of dinner yet eat boogers like oysters & yell “yummy”. Your husband says, “I should’ve told you what I had for lunch”, because you made the same thing – but he still flashes a smile of gratitude. And suddenly you realize – THIS is real life. Soak it in. It’s pretty wonderful. 

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