Folks, it’s been a long day for the Conlee fam.
Many people are not aware that we have an open adoption. It was not what we planned in the beginning but our birth mom changed her mind from wanting it to be closed to an open adoption and we weren’t willing to risk losing the boys. It wasn’t a deal breaker for us. So, we’ve tried to incorporate her into our family for her quarterly visits. We care about her as we know our gain is her loss.
But I’m exhausted. And watching them with her, I felt my insecurity creep in. That voice of doom that says they might love her more & that I’m just a second hand mom.
Why does THIS have to be part of MY story? Why couldn’t I just have kids like a normal person? The same reason you have things in YOUR story that you wouldn’t have chosen for yourself: God loves you & I too much to give us anything ordinary.
Then, I looked into the glassy blue, tired eyes of these 4 year old twin boys who went without a nap and are getting crankier by the millisecond. And I realized: I’d walk through fire for them. If all it costs me is a day at a theme park with my baby mama in order to be their mom – that seems like a small price to pay.
They’re worth it. Love is never safe, but worth the risk.